Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Randomize
