She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Randomize
