i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
she pinky promised me she was 18
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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