i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
