I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
