hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
In America we eat man semen.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I need water and some morals
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
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