don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
