Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Randomize
