I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
