I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
