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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
It's like God shit irony all over that family
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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