I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
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