if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
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