im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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