that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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