He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
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