found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
