I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Randomize
