i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
