Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Green mimosas i think yes
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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