Fine. I'll sleep in my office
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
BRING THE BAGELS
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
