It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Randomize
