Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
