I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
