and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
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