I accidentally had phone sex last night
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
