i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
