I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Someone shattered a urinal.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
