The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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