Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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