I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Enjoy the penises
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
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