Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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