Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
what day is it and did you see me today?
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Randomize
