then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Randomize
