Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
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