I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
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