my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
