He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Randomize
