I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
