you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
