I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
