Christians are straight up FREAKS
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
He? As in you personified your dick?
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
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