Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
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