Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Randomize
