When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
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