this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
