so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
