All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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