Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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