I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Randomize
